Roller Coaster

A few weeks ago I was asked to describe my life as an inanimate object. 
Initially I picked a rocking chair.  As life moves and moves and I don't feel like I am going anywhere.  Same stuff going on. I think I was in a really rutty mood.

I've changed my mind.  I would describe my life as a roller coaster.

Last night as I was chatting with God about the day, begging for forgiveness for my lack of patience and in the next breath, thanking Him for the glorious time that I had with the kids.

I feel like Jekyll and Hyde!! 

Laughing with the kids and then 3 spilled cups and a huge mess later I am feeling completely frazzled.  Having an amazing morning with the kids and then wondering if I am going to make it to the end of the day with out losing my mind. (this list could go on....)

I know that my roller coaster is not too much for God.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. " Matthew 11:28-19

What so I do?

Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Matthew 6:33

You ever notice that when God is trying to teach you something He makes it come up everywhere...in conversation, in the message that you hear at church on Sunday, the theme of your morning devotional, the thing that your friend randomly brings up on the phone?

If that's never happen to you, this entire post is just silliness.  But if it has, you know... It's amazing and frustrating all at the same time. 

Amazing in that you can't mistake that it's the voice of the Almighty God, creator of the universe, beginning and the end, ever present, sacrificial savior speaking into your life.  So humbling to be loved so much that HE would want to have a relationship with ME.

Frustrating that He keeps telling me the same thing over and over again.  I thought I was making progress... but it is still coming at me like a hammer!  "Am I learning anything, Lord?"  (there's some more roller coaster feelings!!)

So what is He hammering at me right now?

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

The discipline of stillness. 

Sitting at the savior's feet. listening. and waiting. for his. still. small. voice. a mere whisper.

See, I know, because I have heard it before. When I shut-up all the noise in my head the Lover of my Soul is waiting, like a gentleman, to speak. 

To give me peace. 

To comfort me. 

To renew and restore me.

To give me patience.

My battle is when?
In the morning? 
At naps? 
At night time? 

This season of life brings the challenge of time of quiet and alone.  There isn't much of it. Part of me really wants to be getting up in the morning, before the house is bustling, and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea, and read my Bible and pray.  Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Psalm 90:14 Not sure if I can get up that early!! 
So I try nap time, which seems most days to work well.  The only hang up is that the Martha in me wants to use that time to get the house cleaned, get dinner started, work on the laundry, and maybe mop the floors when the little feet are resting. 
I try the evenings.  On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Psalm 63:6  I'm just plain tired then. Tuckered out from the day. Wanting to spend time with my hubby.

I don't think that God has a "prescribed" way to spend time with him.  He desires a relationship with me.  As I sort through when I can sit, I am trying to meditate on scripture, have a good attitude (still working on that one- especially when "Hyde" comes to visit), and read good books.

Right now I am reading Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, by Joanna Weaver, and doing the Frazzled Female Bible Study, by Cindi Wood.  I recently finished He Speaks to Me, by Priscilla Shirer, and Hearing God's Voice in Psalm 23, by JoAnne Heim. 

    

Seeing any repetition? 

But I will not be of faint heart. No!  I know that joy comes in the morning.  It may not be tomorrow, or the next day.  But I know that if I ask God to teach me how to be still, even in this roller coaster season, that He is faithful to complete the good work that He started in me.  I am hungry for time with Him, I just need to get the recipe for how to get it from the Maker himself.

"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

How do you practice the discipline of stillness?